2007 11 Spam Poetry

It's like some sort of weird found poetry - more spam subjects

Subject: Sucks huh
Subject: immatchable gastromelus mildews
Subject: Souls And Saints
Subject: coanimate whipsawing arda
Subject: quayful schleimer invitational happen
Subject: Circle God Milk Cycle Ice
Subject: Chocolates Meteor Shop Elephant Rock
Subject: Room Leg Fruit Chief Meteor
Subject: Shop Software Festival Skeleton Garden
Subject: Square Maze Clock Skeleton Elephant Treadmill Fan
Subject: Gate Balloon Rocket Hose Fan Perfume Snail
Subject: Saddle Freeway Coffee Necklace Circus Vacuum Worm
Subject: Teeth Tapestry Spice Horoscope Horoscope Butterfly Freeway
Subject: left  and a  microclimate  to raise  a plate.
Subject: Gloves PaintBrush Car Videotape Kitchen Freeway School
Subject: Train Spice Cup Videotape Spice Umbrella Shoes
Subject: dockyard einsincere qed
Subject: Clock Television Room Videotape Bowl Junk Needle
Subject: Gate Rope Pocket Vulture Satellite Spice Vacuum
Subject: Salt Cappuccino Signature Child Chisel Rifle Rifle
Subject: Slave Data Base Backpack Woman Jet fighter
Subject: Rocket Potato Adult Shoes Child Gas Banana
Subject: Butterfly Fungus Horse Baby Computer Bible Dress
Subject: Bed Sports-car Skeleton Monster Album Saddle Mist
Subject: Shop Hammer Rainbow Rope Earth Knife Fungus
Subject: Skeleton Mouth Hose Boss Signature Leather jacket
Subject: Earth Monster Rocket Train Tiger Leg Flower
Subject: Gloves Family Needle Book Pants Egg Fungus

Dragonlance, Appleseed 2 DVDs

Paramount will release the animated Dragonlance: Dragons of the Autumn Twilight direct to DVD in January:
Warner Home Video is releasing the new Appleseed movie, Appleseed: Ex Machina in March in both regular, HD DVD, and Blu-ray editions:


Fwd: Spam

So I got this spam today - and the subject just cracks me up for some reason.

Subject: Rocket Potato Adult Shoes Child Gas Banana


THE DARWIN AWARDS - November 2007

THE DARWIN AWARDS - November 2007

PERSONAL ACCOUNT: Hedge Your Bets (near miss)

2007, Ontario, Canada || My friend's daughter is a plastic surgeon
with expertise in reconstructive surgery.  Recently a patient was
rushed into the hospital, needing a surgeon to reattach the tips
of his fingers to his left hand.

While taking the patient history, it was found that this bright chap
got the idea of holding his lawn mower sideways and applying it
to his hedge.  He was holding the mower deck, trimming the hedge,
and things went well until the weight of the mower got to be
a bit much.  He readjusted his grip on the mower deck, and
that was when the blade bit him.

When my friend's daughter was almost finished with the complex job
of sewing this patient back together, another patient came in with
the same injury!  On investigation, it was found that he, too,
had been using his mower to trim his hedge.  Apparently this man
was a neighbor of the first patient.  He watched his neighbor
trim his hedge, and thought it was a bright idea.


(2003, California) John, a real estate attorney, was skimming leaves
from his pool when he noticed a palm frond caught in the power lines.
Years of education equipped John with enough reasoning power to
become a successful litigator.  Yet his education did not equip him
with sufficient acumen to avoid becoming a toasty critter, when he
reached up with the long metal pole and poked at the palm frond.
John was, for once, the path of least resistance.

His family, perhaps as an homage to his litigation skills, sued
both the utility company and the pool supply store, which failed
to disclose the danger of using the pool skimmer on power lines.



Halloween 2007: Darwin Awards

THE DARWIN AWARDS - October 2007

Halloween is here.  Below are two cautionary Halloween tales
about a Mummy and Count Dracula, a monumental game of Jenga
titled "Steel Steal," and a case of Beer for Bears.

DARWIN AWARDS: "Intelligent Design" BOOK 4 Now in Paperback!
123 NEW Stories.  Available everywhere!  Amazon price: $10.40
[ http://darwinawards.com/paperback ] An autographed bookplate
and free "Darwin Awards Fish" sticker are yours for the asking.
Mail your request (with an optional legal-sized SASE) to:
        Wendy "Darwin" Northcutt
        c/o Dutton Books 3rd Floor
        375 Hudson Street
        New York, NY 10014 USA

FAQ: What is the Darwin Awards Fish?  This fish up-ends the
classic Darwin Fish.  It is a belly-up deceased fish, enclosing
the words, "Darwin Awards."  To order Darwin Fish Emblems,
a Smoking Crater T-shirt, autographed books, and Darwin Awards
Condoms ("Keep Yourself Out of the Gene Pool") visit my new


"Another Incentive to Kick the Habit"

For Halloween 1998, a Canadian man dressed as a mummy by wrapping
himself from head to toe in fluffy cotton batting. The cotton was
taped at the wrists and ankles, and white gloves and running shoes
completed his ensemble. As the mummy waited for his girlfriend
to dress for pictures, he carelessly lit a cigarette...
and the fluffy cotton burst into flames.

The reason for flame-retardant costumes became clear.

Firefighters arrived within minutes, yet already the mummy costume
was reduced to ashes, right down to the white coveralls underneath.
The man kept repeating, "It's my fault." He was taken to Soldier's
Memorial Hospital with 2nd and 3rd degree burns, where he died.


"Gravity Still Works"

July 2007, Czech Republic | A pack of thieves attempted to steal
scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno.  Unfortunately
for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the
factory roof.  When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof
fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others.

June 2007, Philippines | Three entrepreneurs planned to profit
from stolen scrap metal.  They entered a former US military complex
and approached the prize: an abandoned water tank.  Bedazzled by
the potential upside, the three threw logic to the wind, and began
to cut the metal legs out from under the tank.  Guess where it fell?

Straight onto the thieves.

Darwin notes, "What are these thieves doing, playing a deadly
game of Jenga?!  This entire category may soon become too common,
in violation of the Rule of Excellence.  See Scrap Metal Thieves
and Barn Demolition."



1994 | A college student dressed up as Dracula for Halloween.  For
the finishing touch, he put a pine board down the front of his
shirt, so he could stick a knife into the board and pretend he was
transfixed with a killing stake.  He didn't consider the strength
of the thin pine board when he tapped in the knife with a hammer.

Propelled by the force of the hammer, the sharp knife tip split
the soft wood and buried itself in his heart.  He staggered from
his dorm room into the party, gasping, "I really did it!"
before succumbing before horrified friends.

REFERENCE: Dead Men Do Tell Tales by William R. Maples, Ph.D., 1994


August 2007, Serbia | It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement.
It's well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix.
What happens when we combine all three?  One might expect men, bears,
and beer to combine with lethal consequences. Such was the case for
a 23-year old man who inadvertently fed himself to Masha and Misha
at the Belgrade Zoo.

The Zoo director said of the incident, "Only an idiot
would jump into the bear cage."

The man's naked, mauled corpse was found inside the bear habitat, along
with several mobile phones, bricks, and plenty of beer cans.  His clothes
were completely undamaged, suggesting that he approached the bears
bare-naked.  The bears, fearing that his intentions were as dishonorable
as they were ill-informed, meted out a summary justice.

Later, Masha and Misha "reacted angrily" when keepers tried to recover
the man's corpse, but were eventually persuaded to give up their tasty
prize.  We await word on how many beers were bartered for the body.

Copyright 2007 DarwinAwards.com -- Be safe!
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